What (Not) To Wear
Posted on July 31st, 2008
I am constantly annoyed by people wearing things that are horrible for them.
Unless you are thin, please do not wear clothes that hug your body super tightly. I know that sounds mean, but you know it’s true. I’m not thin myself, and I at least have the decency to wear clothes that aren’t going to show off parts of my body that nobody else wants to see. Really, if you should be in a size 14, but you’re squeezing into a low-rise pair of jeans, size 12, and then pulling on a tight medium Hollister shirt, you’re going to have bumps and lumps that, frankly, look appalling. Basically, if you’re wearing a shirt and you can see the outline of your belly button through it, it’s too tight, and you look gross. Really gross. Instead, stick with jeans that have a higher rise, and shirts that fit you properly.
However, if you’re thin, that doesn’t mean you have an open invite to wear whatever you want. You cannot just walk around, showing as much skin as legally possible - unless you want to look like a tramp, that is. Too much cleavage is a big no-no, and will give you the I’m-really-really-desperate look.
This is a biggie for me: if you cannot take the time to take care of your feet, DO NOT WEAR SHOES THAT ARE GOING TO SHOW OFF YOUR NASTY TOES. And honestly, I don’t think anybody with less-than-perfect feet should be wearing sandals at all, but that’s just me. If you can’t at least wash your feet, please just wear tennis shoes. Because it doesn’t matter HOW nice and expensive your clothes are, you’re going to look like straight-up trailer trash if you walk around with dirty toes in flip-flops. I cannot tell you how many dirty, mosquito-bitten feet I’ve seen shoved into $30 leather flip-flops. Why? That’s like buying a really expensive deisgner purse to hold your mud pie collection. Or something. Just wash your feet, people. And keep your toenails trimmed.
If people would worry less about being up on the latest trends and start caring about dressing their body properly, everyone would look a lot better. Stop following the trends just so you can look ~kewl~ and ~with it~ to everyone else. Throw away those hideous gladiator sandals and those flowy shirts that are making you look pregnant. People will be far more impressed if you wear clothes that accentuate your body right.. even if your jeans are, like, soo last year.
A Complete Guide On How To Delight Me
Posted on July 28th, 2008
Love to read.
Books are a really good conversation starter, and loving to read shows that you’re literate and somewhat intelligent. Even if you don’t like reading the same kind of books that I do, you’re still going to impress me.
Have a good sense of humor.
Nothing is more irritating than when I say something in an obviously joking manner, and having a person take what I said seriously. Being receptive to different types of humor does a good person make.
Hold the door for other people.
If you’re entering/exiting a building, and there are people behind you, you better hold the door open for them. If not, you’re going to look like a total jerk. It takes two seconds to hold the door open, and make someone’s day a little brighter by doing it.
Love dogs.
Cats, not so much. But if you love dogs, you’re probably my kinda person. I might even offer you a position in my future dog resort. :]
Have a cool room.
I’m obsessed with ourbedrooms, and I’m definitely impressed by people who have cool, organized, unique rooms.
Know how to have fun without spending money.
Frugal people are good people. If you’re capable of coming up with cheap ways to hang out with friends, it shows that you’re thoughtful and creative. Good for you!
I’d say it’s way easier to annoy me than it is to delight me. Whoops.
A Complete Guide On How To Annoy Me
Posted on July 18th, 2008
Walk around in public places listening to your iPod.
Let’s get serious here. You’re so addicted to music that you can’t stop listening to it for an hour while you go grocery shopping? Fail.
Manage to have accrued absolutely zero common knowledge despite at least a decade of schooling.
I’m talking to you, person who doesn’t know that Australian isn’t the official language of Australia. You, too, person who doesn’t know that “alot” is not, has never, and will never be a real word. I take that back, actually. “Alot” will probably be proper in like a hundred years. Gross.
Buy your four-year-old Starbucks.
Nauseating.
Take pictures of yourself in MySpace-esque poses everywhere you go. Everywhere.
Double Annoying Score if you’re listening to your iPod while doing it!
Wear shorter shorts than your teenage daughter.
Sorry, I can’t elaborate.. I’m too busy throwing up in my mouth.
Say “bro” every two seconds.
Saying it in general is bad enough, but when people say it all the time just so they make sure everyone around them knows that they are ~hip n’ kewl~ enough to say it, it’s just gross.
Jump in “exit only” lanes and pop back into traffic right before the exit so you can skip a lot of cars in thick traffic.
You have somewhere to be? Well so does everyone else. Don’t be a douchebag just so you can arrive at work two minutes eariler.
Have a mustache.
Please just don’t.
Wear a denim mini skirt with black leggings.
On top of looking like you just stumbled out of a really dirty trailer park, you’ll make me want to puncture my eyes with an ice pick. And do you really want either of those things to happen? No.
Complain about cold weather.
This only applies to people living in Florida that complain about the heat during summer. I despise our heat, and really love the handful of cold days we have, but they’re usually ruined by people’s constant complaining. Go live near the Equator or something if you don’t want an OCCASIONAL nice, cool winter day.
Actually, this list is nowhere near being complete. More at a later date…
Hi, My Name is Kristen and I’m a Recovering Starbucks Addict
Posted on July 16th, 2008
It pains me to admit it, but I used to be one of those people who didn’t see anything wrong with a daily Starbucks fix. Or two. Or five. And by saying I “used to be” one of those people, I’m lying, because I am most certainly still one of them.
My usual order is a caramel latte, and at the risk of sounding like the fattest person ever, I’m going to say that a caramel latte is absolutely nothing if it’s not topped with a big chunk of whipped cream and slathered with caramel drizzle. Although I detest regular coffee, there is little that is better than a sweet, hot latte.
However, I refuse to go to Starbucks anymore.
First of all, you could probably buy a small yaught if you took all the money that me, my mom, and Raisa have spent on lattes within the last year or so. No, that’s exaggerating. But you really probably could a new iPod. Or a really nice phone. Or put a down payment on a used car. No lie.
And honestly, I’d rather my mom take all that money and go to the casino with it. Because getting a latte is a gamble itself. I don’t know why, but certain baristas are simply not capable of making a latte that is decent enough for human consumption. Sometimes they’re too strong, too watery, too cold, or just too disgusting in general. And I know, I know - we’re stupid for continuing to spend our money at an establishment that is way too inconsistant. But sometimes, once in a great while, you come across a barista that just has it.
And I won’t even get into the rudeness that we’ve faced from certain Starbucks employees.
So that’s why I’m taking a vow to quit Starbucks. Let the whole corporation fall, for all I care.
However, I never said that I wouldn’t be getting my latte fix at Seattle’s Best Coffee.
Highlights of My College Orientation
Posted on July 13th, 2008
I spent Friday and Saturday at Saint Leo University, the school I will be attending in August. There was a lot of sitting through presentations of stuff I’ve already heard a million times, and a lot of kids that were so stupid/immature, it’s amazing how they every graduated high school.. but overall, it was pretty fun.
1. The food is amazing.
Everything I ate was amazing. On Friday I had pizza for lunch, and it was really, really good. On Saturday, they had this godly setup of barbeque chicken and ribs, corn on the cob, baked beans, salad, and.. I don’t even know. A lot of other good stuff. And I didn’t get a chance to eat the breakfast, but it looked amazing; french toast, bacon or sausage, egg, and cheese croisants, and an array of fruit. Yum! My only complaint with the cafeteria is that the cups were urine-sample sized, and I had to get like forty-five refills to satisfy the thirst I worked up by walking up and down all those hills and whatnot.
2. Free laptop!
And by “free,” I mean included in the price of tuition. But, really, it’s a nice, new laptop. Dell Latitude D630. I can’t complain, but why couldn’t they have given us a MacBook? Just kidding… But really, it’s because of the generosity of SLU that I can now present to you my wonderful bloggings from the comfort of my bed. Kristen: New and improved! Now lazier than ever.
3. The professors were really nice.
The ones I interacted with, anyways. I was standing outside, waiting for my “orientation group” to be done with lunch, and this random professor came over and introduced himself and asked what I was majoring in. When I told him Political Science, he gave me some tips on how to deal with those particular professors. And then a couple other professors I interacted with were really nice.
And just everything else, really. Orientation being over means I’m officially half-way through summer! I just cannot wait to move in.
Movie Theaters: Why?
Posted on July 9th, 2008
I recently read an article about the movie theater in my city being renovated and opened after being shut down for several years. In response to the article, a man replied and said that he had gone the night before, and spent sixty dollars on him and his family, which bought admission and snacks for them all. And that was just alarming for me.
Sixty dollars?! For that amount, you could go to Wal-Mart, and buy, like, twelve of those super-discounted DVDs. And some of those DVDs are pretty good. Or, better yet, you could go to Blockbuster and rent a handful of new releases, as well as a video game, popcorn, and candy.
And I’m really not a movie person, but the idea of being comfortable in my bedroom and watching a movie - where I can control the volume level, the temperature, and everything else - sounds a lot more appealing than being stuck in a sticky, too hot/too cold theater with crying children and/or immature, talking teenagers. And if you REALLY like the movie, you can get the DVD and watch all the extra features like deleted scenes, cast interviews, and bloopers. Who doesn’t love bloopers?! Can’t do that at a theater, can you? Plus, do you even WANT to think about what people have done in those theater seats before you were sitting there?
So why spend the money to go to the theaters? So you can say “Yeah, I went and saw Indiana Jones” before everyone else? I just don’t get it. Why not just wait a couple months until you can rent or buy it?
About two years ago, I went to the movies quite a bit - like every-other weekend, and I used to get nachos. Just guess how much a TINY packet of extra cheese cost me. Really, guess. $1.75! For a tiny little thing of (usually cold) nacho cheese! Before the whole thing was over, my two hours at the movie theater cost me no less than twenty dollars. And I know that’s not a WHOLE lot, but for that price, I’d rather just wait for the Special Edition DVD to come out.
My Flea Market Adventure
Posted on July 6th, 2008
Today I went to the flea market with my mother and.. wow. Just wow.
I went with the sole purpose of finding a fake Chanel purse. (Several hundred dollars for a purse? They’re pretty, but they ain’t that pretty.) What I found was an array of horrible smells, missing teeth, swords, comic books, fake jewelry, and some of the ugliest clothes I have ever seen. Ever. I don’t mean ugly like a fleeting “Oh, she shouldn’t have worn that.” I mean the kind of ugly that if you saw someone wearing this junk, you would stop dead in your tracks. And stare. And wonder in WHAT country it was made legal to produce such garbage. We’re talkin’ ugly. Without an alibi.
I mean, the flea market is cool, I guess. Especially if you like to pour sweat and see what the world looked like back in 1982. If so, then yeah, the flea market is amazing. Go there.
Oh, but the best find of the day? A big poster with pictures of Jessica Simpson, Britney Spears, Tara Reid, Christina Aguilara, et cetera - all taken in roughly 1999, mind you - with the words “STUPID SPOILED WHORES” in big font. Wut??!
And that fake Chanel purse I was looking for? I found it! Thirty dollars for a beautiful fake. I just might give it a name, I like it so much. We also left with a basket of peaches, some fragrance oils my mother will use to make soap with, and a really bitter strawberry banana smoothie that I ended up spilling all over my jeans as soon as I got in the car.
Score!
Dear Bookstore,
Posted on July 5th, 2008
I just want to let you know that I think you are amazing. You have provided many, many hours of joy and amusement and boredom relief in my life. I appreciate that. I like your organization and how you have a delicious coffee shop within you. You are very special. Don’t ever forget that.
However, I think you need to change some things. That way, you know, you can be the perfect bookstore that I know you strive to be.
First of all, you need to have more seating. It’s frustrating to have to sit on the floor to read. If you would just provide five, maybe ten more comfortable chairs for your visitors, I’m sure we would all appreciate it. Also, there’s no need to have music blaring the way you do, bookstore. It’s irritating to hear that mess when I try to read. I know you are not a free-for-all book buffet like a library or something, and I know that keeping music loud inside of you is to perhaps keep people from getting too comfortable and soaking up your contents for free. But think about it. The people who typically enjoy spending their freetime reading in you are the same people who leave with hundreds of dollars in books. It’s win-win. Provide a more comfortable reading environment, and I’ll spend more money inside of you.
It would also be great if you could better monitor the hoards of ignorant, loud people who think it’s appropriate to hold loud conversations with each other two feet away from where people are CLEARLY trying to read.
I also really think you’d benefit from having a “100 Free Books to Every Girl Named Kristen” sale. Trust me.
Really, bookstore. If you take my suggestions into consideration, I’m sure we can have a long, happy life together. If not, then I’m afraid that I’ll be taking my business to Amazon.
(Not really. I love you too much.)
Love,
Kristen.
Things I Will Never Do To Help The Environment
Posted on July 2nd, 2008
You know, I’m pretty concerned when it comes to this planet, and alarm that surrounds its bleak future. I don’t have my own car, I turn off lights when I leave a room, and I take quick showers. All in the name of bettering the Earth. (Okay, not really. But still, I DO care about the environment, at least to some degree.)
As a result of my concern (but more so of my constant boredom), I’ve spent a lot of time researching ways to effectively “go green.” I’ve read a lot of common sense stuff (turn off lights when you’re not using them), a lot of too-complicated-and-expensive-to-ever-make-happen stuff (move to Stockholm, buy solar panals for your house, etc.) and just a few things that are sensible enough to work around (use CFL bulbs, unplug appliances you aren’t using, yadayadayada.) But some of the ~tipz n’ trickz~ I’ve read to better the Earth have made me cringe. And those are:
Reuse toilet paper
I’m not kidding. I once read an article that discussed in detail how to not only reduce the amount of toilet paper you use, but to clean it and dry it out so that you can get several uses out of it. I’m sorry, but, uhm.. no. If the planet suffers a massive warming and gets hurled into the sun because I used heaps of toilet paper, then so be it. I will never be so frugal to reuse my toilet paper. Ever.
Turn up the thermostat
“Try to keep it up around 78 or 80 degrees in the summer time.” What, are you joking? Have you stepped outside? It’s about a hundred and forty-seven degrees out there. There’s no way I’m letting my indoor retreat go above 75 degrees. Unless, of course, you want to come build me an indoor swimming pool in my house.
Become a vegan
I respect the whole animals rights movement, and I do care a lot about animals and such. Just.. not enough to stop eating them. :\ And being a vegetarian is one thing, but vegan is a whole other. If I were to take every animal byproduct out of my diet, I would never eat. Not going to happen. I like food to much. Especially food provided by animals. Thanks, chickens, for making dinner delicious. Every time.
Use a clothes line
This is 2008. Not going to happen. As long as I have a functioning dryer, I will continue to shovel clothes in it. Because it gets the job done in an hour. How long does it even take to dry clothes on a line? It doesn’t matter, the whole idea is crazy talk. Not only that, but it rains every afternoon during the summer in Florida, anyway. And knowing my family, there would be the same set of clothes (underwear, no doubt) hanging out on the line for several weeks, getting rained on then drying again. Over and over.
Don’t drive; walk everywhere
No.
Twitter Is Useless
Posted on June 30th, 2008
I’ve always been annoyed by people who constantly update their “status” on MySpace and Facebook.
“So-and-so is about to take a shower.” 30 mins ago
“So-and-so is taking a shower.” 27 mins ago
“So-and-so just took a shower.” 13 mins ago
“So-and-so is getting ready to go out.” 11 mins ago
“So-and-so is leaving! BYE! bb in 2 hrs!” 30 sec ago
Seriously? Even though you’re my friend, I’m truly not interested in every single thing you do. An occasional update is okay, but nobody really cares how you spend every. single. second. of your freetime.
So, fine. These annoying updates were limited to Facebook and MySpace. But then I started noticing a growing trend of people using Twitter. Twitter is, from my understanding, a networking site that’s SOLE PURPOSE revolves around the idea of letting people know what you’re doing all day long.
I went to the Twitter website and found:
Eating soup? Research shows that moms want to know.
Running late to a meeting? Your co–workers might find that useful.
Partying? Your friends may want to join you.
I promise you, my mom doesn’t want to know when exactly I am eating soup. And no one else should care, either, frankly. If you care when and what I eat everyday, you’re probably a creep.
If you’re running late to a meeting.. WHY would you be updating some meaningless website? If I was your boss, and I saw that you took the time to update Twitter instead of getting your butt to work ASAP, you’d be fired. I mean, really.
And let’s just say I DID update my Twitter to announce that I would be partying. Why would I want a friend to invite themselves to join my festivities? Wouldn’t I have already called upon the friends that I wanted to join me? Inviting yourself anywhere is rude. 
So, really. I just cannot see the necessity of Twitter, or MySpace/Facebook status updates. Can someone tell me how they employ constant updates of their life in a useful manner?